Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
