You smell like stripper and shame
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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