whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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