I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
