you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
