I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
