all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
