Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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