dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
