apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
