Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
