fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
