remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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