Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
