My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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