Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
