I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
