I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
