I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
