You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
