you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
