operation harelip BJ is a go
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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