i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
