If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
