Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
