I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
