you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
