Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
