Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
4 words: hood of his car
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
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Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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