Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
