I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
