Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
