That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
