I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
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Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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