i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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