My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
