"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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