I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
