He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
