Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
