Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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