so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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