the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
