Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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