i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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