i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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