Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
