Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
As shirtless as possible
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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