i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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