I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
