I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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