I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
