Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
