it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
