You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
