dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
