R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
