The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
