i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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