I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
