how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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