i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
