just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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