I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
