Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
