It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
