after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i think my cat just said my name.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
