Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
