is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
