Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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