If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
