please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
