i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
