She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
