you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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