Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
