You're a womanizer and a bitch.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
