That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
