just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
