She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
