he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
