I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
