gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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