im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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